


All I Want

by Swietek93



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Jealousy, Pining, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 15:23:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14571897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swietek93/pseuds/Swietek93
Summary: Natasha and Steve have an understanding. They are free to date whoever they want even though they are sleeping together...It works until it doesn’t





	All I Want

**Author's Note:**

> This is not what you will be expecting out of a friends with benefits verse.
> 
> All mistakes are my own

They entered Steve’s quarters after returning from debriefing. The mission had gone on two days longer than they had anticipated. They were both thoroughly exhausted. Steve collapsed onto the couch and tipped his head back, closing his eyes. Natasha watched him for a moment before joining him on the couch. 

 

She sat down close next to him, her body angled towards his just slightly. She studied him, noticing how young he looked. Her gaze moved down to his lips, parted slightly. She thought about how she’d been wanting to kiss him all day.

 

Without trying to talk herself out of it, she cupped his cheek and turned his face toward her. She sealed her mouth to his. Steve’s eyes shot open in surprise, though he quickly gave into the kiss.

 

After several moments, Natasha teases the seam of his lips with her tongue. He parts his lips, allowing her entrance. Only a moment later though he pushes her gently back by the shoulder.

 

“Nat-“ He tries to say but she cuts him off.

 

“Please, Steve,” she glances up at him through thick eyelashes and, fuck, he’s gone. “I need you.” She claims his lips again.

 

He is hesitant to accept it but doesn’t push her away again. She climbs into his lap, straddling him, and threads her fingers into his hairs.

 

He groans against her mouth. One of his hands slips under her shirt, tickling the skin of her spine as he drags it upward. He reaches the clasp of her bra and doesn’t think twice about undoing it. 

 

Natasha pulls back and lifts the hem of her shirt up and over her head, her bra going with it. Steve admires her body, strong and beautiful, especially the scars. His thumb rubs over the bullet scar on her hip but he doesn’t say anything. 

 

She leans back in to suck kisses onto his neck starting behind his ear and slowly making her way down. She nips and sucks at the junction of his neck and shoulder, biting down hard to draw a groan from him. His hands tighten on her hips. 

 

She grinds down against him. Feeling how hard he is through the fabric of his jeans. She grabs the bottom on his shirt and pulls it up and over his head before he even knew what was happening. Then she trailed kisses down his chest, slowly sliding off his lap to the floor.

 

Natasha reached for the button on his pants, but his hands came up to stop her.

 

“Are you sure?” Steve asked. He wasn’t sure why she suddenly needed this from him. It wasn’t the first time they’d had post-mission sex, but the pace she was setting was unusually fast.

 

Natasha flashed a smirk at him and said, “Yeah, it’s gonna be fun.” She reached again for his jeans and he gripped her wrists a little tighter.

 

“Natasha,” he warned. 

 

“Steve, I-“ she bit her lip, trying to choose her words carefully. “I just need to get out of my head for a little while.” She blinked up at him and whispered, “please?” But she didn’t move until he let her.

 

Instead of letting her have her way with him, he pulled her back into his lap. His hands gripped the back of her thighs and he stood with her. Natasha wrapped her legs around his waist and threaded her fingers back into his hair. She leaned down to kiss him as he carried her to his room.

 

Gently laying her on the bed, Steve grabbed the top of her yoga pants and pulled them down her toned legs, her underwear going with them. She lay there completely bare to him, watching as he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. She may have been the naked one but he felt the most exposed under her piercing gaze.

 

He dropped his pants and boxers and stepped out of them, moving a step closer to the bed. Natasha beckoned him with the crook of her finger and he couldn’t resist her.

 

Crawling up the bed, Steve laid kisses along her skin, starting at her ankles. He slowly made his way up her legs, nipping and licking until he made it to the apex of her thighs. 

 

She was already starting to breath heavy, when he sealed his mouth over her clit and started sucking. Her back arched off the bed, her fingers tightened in his hair and her legs wrapped around his head. 

 

He backed off a little, carefully building her up, bringing her to the edge. He took his left hand and inserted one finger followed closely be a second. He pumped them in and out as he sucked and licked her bundle of nerves. 

 

She twisted and moaned as he brought her closer to the edge. “Steve,” she begged, “please!”

 

Let it not be said that Steve Rogers ever denied a woman her needs. 

 

He crooked his fingers against her g-spot, and sucked on her clit hard. Suddenly she was falling over the edge, coming on his fingers and his mouth. He kept pumping his fingers through her climax, easing them out so she could collect herself.

 

She watched as he slowly sucked her juices off of each of his fingers, a wicked grin on his face. With her hand still in his hair, she dragged him up and crashed her lips to his. She kissed him like she was going to devour him.

 

She reached between their bodies and guided him into her. Steve let out a gasp as Natasha moaned in concert with him. His hard cook now sheathed in her tight heat. His forehead rested against hers, both their eyes closed as they adjusted to the new sensation.

 

After a moment, Steve pulled out of her slowly, watching her face carefully. Her eyes remained closed. She had her lower lip caught between her teeth. He reached up and tugged her chin so she’d release her lip. “Let me hear you,” He murmured in a low voice. 

 

Her eyes fluttered open and when she locked gazes with him, he snapped his hips forward, driving into her, burying himself to the hilt. She moaned aloud, her hands coming up to cup her breasts. She played with her nipples, rubbing and pinching them, as Steve continued to move in and out of her.

 

He reached down to circle his thumb over her clit and a whimper fell from her lips. She met his thrusts with her own as he brought her back to the edge of climax. 

 

“Come with me,“ he commanded. She held his gaze until her orgasm took her. She threw her head back, her hands gripped the bed sheets.

 

He pumped once, twice more then let his own climax take over. He buried himself in her, his head dropping to the curve of her neck. 

 

The two of them laid there, breathing heavily. Steve rolled off of Natasha, but pulled her against him to keep contact. As she caught her breath again, she traced the planes of his chest with the tips of her fingers.

 

“I should go,” she said quietly, though she made no move to leave yet.

 

“You could stay,” Steve offered.

 

She looked up at him then away as she pushed herself to a sitting position. She got off the bed and started looking for her clothing. As she stepped into her pants she said, “we’ve talked about this.” She walked out of his bedroom to collect her shirt from the floor behind the couch.

 

Steve thought about following her but before he could make up his mind he heard his front door open then close loudly. He sighed, “dammit.” He knew he shouldn’t have pushed her. She’d told him from day one that she didn’t do relationships. He’s seen her shut down when someone pushed her too far and he regrets that he might have just done that.

 

He got up to shower and change for bed, though he didn’t sleep well that night. The next morning, in the avengers communal kitchen, he crossed paths with Natasha. For the most part they ignored each other, not commenting on their relations the night before.

 

Natasha was about to leave the room when she stopped at the doorway. She turned and looked back at Steve and asked, “see you later?” 

 

He smiled. “Of course,” he replied gently. He could never say no to her.

 

The next few days went on as usual. More debriefs of their mission and plenty of paperwork to keep them busy before a new mission came up. Steve was starting to go crossed eyed from staring at the paperwork and decided he needed a cup of coffee.

 

He made his way to the coffee shop down the street that Natasha had introduced him to. It had really good coffee but wasn’t one of the overpriced coffee chains. It was more down to Earth, quieter. He thought it was perfect and it quickly became his favorite place to get a cup of coffee or just sit and sketch.

 

As Steve stood to the side waiting for his order, he glanced around the place. He noticed a few younger people sitting together at a table in the corner talking. A few others were working on laptops or reading. 

 

All of a sudden his heart felt like it was being squeezed. He saw Natasha sitting at a table with another man. She was smiling and holding his hands across the tabletop. He could see from where he was that she was on a date. There was no doubt about it.

 

He quickly turned away, reminding himself that she wasn’t his. That’s what they’d agreed on. She didn’t want a relationship with him, she didn’t want to be tied down. 

 

He knew in theory that she had gone on a few other dates since they’d started...whatever it was that they’d started. He supposed friends-with-benefits was the correct term.

 

He hurriedly grabbed his drink when his name was called and left the cafe, not wanting to see another minute of Natasha with another guys.

 

In his haste to leave, he didn’t see Natasha watching him leave, guilt clouding her eyes.

 

Steve got back to the Tower and slammed his door shut. He hated feeling jealous over the other guy Natasha had chosen. He’d known from the start he couldn’t have Natasha. Even though he was in love with her. He knew it was never going to be a possibility.

 

He sulked for the rest of the afternoon before he decided on what to do. He thought that since she was dating other people, he could as well. She had told him he could but it was never something he’d wanted or needed. Now, maybe it was time to try it. Maybe it would help him get past his feelings for Natasha.

 

Steve thought about the Stark Fundraiser coming up. Originally he had planned on going alone, but he thought it would be a good opportunity to bring a date. A date that wasn’t Natasha. He tried to think of all the women he knew who he might like to date. Only one name came to mind.

 

Sharon Carter was a very nice woman. They’d had some good conversations in the past and he’s noticed her taking an interest in him before. He thought she’d be perfect to ask to be his date.

 

It was the week before the fundraiser and Steve knew it was last minute but he called Sharon to ask her. “Would you like to go to the Stark Fundraiser with me?” It came out all in one breath and he wasn’t sure she’d be able to understand him.

 

“Are you asking me on a date?” She chuckled lightly. Well she hadn’t said no.

 

“Um, yes,” Steve laughed along with her. “Yes, I am. Sorry it’s a little last minute. I kind of forgot about having a date.” He lied.

 

“That’s okay, Captain. I’d be honored to be your date.” He thought he could hear her smiling through the phone, though he couldn’t actually be sure.

 

“Great! That’s great. I’ll pick you up at seven?” He asked.

 

“Sounds good! I’ll see you then.” 

 

They hung up and Steve let out a huge breath. He was relieved that the conversation was over, but he felt a little odd about having a date that wasn’t Natasha. It really had been a while since he’d gone out with anyone.

 

The night of the fundraiser, Steve picked Sharon up at seven on the dot. He thought she looked beautiful. She was wearing a very light blue, strapless gown with beading that looked like flowers across the bodice. The skirt was a soft chiffon fabric that felt elegantly to the floor. 

 

“Wow. You look great!” Steve smiled, taking her hand and leading her outside to the waiting limo.

 

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” Sharon smirked. 

 

Steve was wearing a simple, yet perfectly tailored, black tux. He knew he looked good but didn’t want to sound cocky by agreeing, so he simply thanked her and they got in the limo and were on their way.

 

At the fundraiser, Steve escorted Sharon into the ballroom. They had barely gotten through the doors when they ran into Tony and Pepper. They made small talk with his team mates before moving on.

 

Steve escorted Sharon across the room to the bar to order her a drink. She accepted it and they made their way through the crowd again. Steve had to stop every few feet to speak with people. Everyone wanted their chance to talk to Captain America.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Steve apologized to Sharon once they had a second alone. “I should be paying more attention to you.”

 

Sharon just waved him off good naturedly. “It’s no problem. It comes with job, right?” She smiled sweetly at him.

 

“Right,” he chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand. When he dropped his hand, he offered it to her and asked her to dance.

 

“I’d love to.” Sharon took his hand and he guided them out onto the floor. As the song started, Steve led Sharon around the dance floor. He wasn’t an expert but he at least didn’t step on her toes. They talked as they danced, having enough fun that they stayed on the floor for another two songs.

 

When they finally left the floor they moved to a table where Tony, Pepper, Natasha and Bruce were. Steve’s heart stuttered upon seeing Natasha in her dress. It was a beautiful royal blue, with silver straps. She turned her body to speak to Bruce and Steve noticed that the back was bare, with small silver straps criss-crossing the upper section.

 

Steve had to remind himself to breathe and that he was here with Sharon. He moved to settle his arm around her waist as they approached the table. When their friends caught sight of them, they were greeted happily.

 

“Hi, Steve,” Natasha smiled, but it didn’t seem to reach her eyes. Her hands were threaded with Bruce’s. They were very clearly here together.

 

“Hey, Nat,” Steve greeted but quickly turned away. He asked Sharon if she wanted a drink and left for the bar. He needed a few moments to himself to get his head on straight. Natasha was invading his mind again. He felt stupid for having brought Sharon into this because he wasn’t too sure he wouldn’t hurt her in the end. After seeing Natasha, Steve knew he wouldn’t be over her so easily.

 

He made it to the bar and ordered. While he was waiting for his drink he felt a hand slide into the crook of his arm, tugging him to turn around. When he did, he found Natasha there, her eyes bright and beautiful.

 

“Hey,” she smiled at him again, this time more sincerely. 

 

“Uh, hi,” Steve answered. “What are you doing here?” 

 

“I came to see you,” she tilted her head coquettishly. “Can I not come see my friend?” She asked, batting her eyelashes, her hand traveling up his arm.

 

He knew exactly what she was doing now. 

 

“I’m here with Sharon, Nat.” He gently took her hand off his arm and stepped back from her. 

 

“You should be here with me.” She pouted. “Better yet, you should leave with me! Let’s go, let’s get out of here!” She reached to take his hands but he snatched them away.

 

“No!” His eyes flashed with anger. “We have dates, Natasha! What’s wrong with you?”

 

“I don’t like this! I don’t like that you came here with Sharon!” Natasha argued. 

 

“You came here with Bruce!” He pointed out the obvious.

 

“I know.” She crossed her arms sounding a little defensive.

 

“Then what’s the problem?” Steve demanded. He was getting tired of this, of Natasha always being hot one minute then cold the next. It was exhausting.

 

“It’s bothering me.” She answered. “It’s bothering me and I don’t like that it’s bothering me!” 

 

“Sorry.” He said sarcastically. “Do you want us to leave?” He honestly didn’t know what she was angling for anymore.

 

“No! I want us to leave. You and me!” 

 

She reached for his hand and he snapped. “I came here with Sharon, I plan on leaving here with Sharon!” How dare she just expect him to ditch his date. “You’re the one who said-”

 

“I know what I said,” Natasha crossed her arms again and looked down.

 

“Okay then.” He grabbed his drinks from the bartender. “Enjoy the rest of the party,” he said before walking off, leaving Natasha standing there alone.

 

Steve returned to the group at the table. Sharon and Bruce were the only ones there. They were talking when Steve moved in closer and handed Sharon her glass of wine.

 

“Everything okay?” Sharon asked. She must have noticed his change of mood.

 

He smiled reassuringly and said, “yeah, I’m fine. Sorry I took so long.”

 

She looked at him skeptically but dropped the issue. Steve noticed Bruce stayed with them for a while, Natasha never in having come back to the table. 

 

“You two don’t have to stay here and babysit me.” Bruce said. “Go dance, have fun.” The scientist was smiling and seemed unbothered by his date disappearing on him. 

 

“Are you sure, Bruce?” Sharon asked. “We could help you find Natasha.”

 

“That’s sweet of you to offer, Sharon, but I’m fine. I’m going to go find Tony and maybe leave soon. These charity galas aren’t really my cup of tea.” Bruce smiled again and bid the goodbye before vanishing into the crowd.

 

Steve was annoyed at Natasha for having ditched Bruce anyway. He couldn’t believe how selfish she was being. He was silently fuming, until Sharon placed her hand on his shoulder. She could clearly tell what was bothering him and suggested he take her home.

 

Steve walked her to her door and apologized for his own behavior. “I’m sorry if I ruined the evening. I did have a great time.”

 

She smiled at him in understanding. “Steve, it’s not your fault.” She cupped his cheek in her hand and leaned in to kiss the other. “You’re in love with someone else.”

 

He looked at her, surprised. 

 

She laughed lightly. “I’m a spy, Rogers! And you wear your heart on your sleeve.” She touched his arm before turning to open her door. “You should talk to her about how you really feel. If I’m right, and I usually am, she feels the same way.”

 

“You’re too good for me.” Steve complimented.

 

“Don’t forget it!” Sharon chuckled before closing her door, leaving Steve standing there.

 

He left her house thinking about what she had said. It was true. He was in love with Natasha and tonight only proved that he wasn’t ready to get over her. But he was furious at her for how she acted. 

 

The following morning, Steve entered the common area of the Towers. He noticed Natasha sitting in an armchair on the far side of the room. 

 

She was dressed in leggings and a too-large sweater that was hanging off her shoulder. One leg was tucked under her while her other was bent up, her foot resting on the cushion. In her hands she held a mug, her eyes staring out the window.

 

He thought she looked so vulnerable sitting there. She hadn’t even looked over when he came in. As if she hadn’t noticed him.

 

Ignoring her presence, he moved to the kitchen and started making himself a coffee. He pulled down a mug and set it on the counter before he grabbed the milk out of the fridge. He turned back to grab the coffee pot and started to pour when he felt someone come up on his left side.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as Natasha placed her mug in the sink. After that, she stood next to him quietly, her hands fidgeting with the hem of the sweater.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

It’s so quiet, Steve was sure he’d have missed it if it weren’t for his serum enhanced hearing. He glanced up briefly to look at her before returning his gaze to his cup in front of him.

 

“I’m sorry. I was out of line last night.” Natasha spoke a little louder this time. “I shouldn’t have asked you to leave the party with me, to ditch our dates for each other.” Steve turned to face her but she avoided his gaze. Her eyes turned down toward the floor.

 

“I was jealous.” She whispered. “I know I shouldn’t be. I know it was my idea that we date other people, that I wasn’t willing to commit to a relationship.” She glanced up to find his eyes staring her down and she quickly looked down again.

 

“Last night, I realized I was wrong. I didn’t want you to date anyone but me and I-” she hesitated and Steve realized she was struggling to find the right words. It surprised him because she always knew exactly what to say and now she out of her element. “I realized I only want to be with you.” She admitted.

 

Steve didn’t say anything, just stood there in astonishment. Natasha was finally opening up to him about her own feelings, something he’d dreamed about. But this isn’t how he’d wanted it to happen. He didn’t want it to be because she was apologizing for being selfish.

 

“I’m just...I’m sorry.” She sounded so defeated then. Like she was disappointed in herself and her own behavior. She turned to leave the room, figuring she’d give Steve time to process her apology. She wasn’t going to demand his forgiveness.

 

His hand gripping her elbow stopped her. She looked back at him in surprise.

 

“What you did was selfish.” He spoke in a low voice. She turned her head away and nodded. “I forgive you.”

 

She stared at him in astonishment. She wasn’t expecting that. “You do?” She asked because she couldn’t believe it. She didn’t deserve it.

 

“Yes, Natasha. I do.” He smiled. “I forgive you.” He repeated.

 

“I don’t deserve you,” she said, her hand coming up to cup his cheek. He noticed her eyes were a little glassy, as if she was on the verge of tears. 

 

“Don’t say that,” he circled his arms around her waist and pulled her against him, his hand threaded into her hair to cradle her head against his chest. She tucked herself into him and wrapped her arms around his body. “Natasha, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. You’re human.” He stroked her hair hair back from her face when she looked up at him.

 

“Still,” she replied, “the way I behaved was terrible. I should’ve been honest with you before. I was just so scared…” she trailed off.

 

“Scared of what, Nat?” 

 

“I was scared of hurting you.” She admitted. She closed her eyes, not willing to face her own insecurities.

 

“Shh,” Steve leaned down to kiss her forehead. “The only thing that hurt me was you not wanting me, was seeing you with other men.”

 

“I’m so sorry,” she burrowed into him again, squeezing him tight.

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he stroked her hair for a few minutes. “Natasha.”

 

She took a deep breath before meeting his eyes. 

 

“Go on a date with me?” Steve asked.

 

She smiled at him and said, “okay.”

 

Two days later, Steve showed up at Natasha’s apartment door ready to take her to dinner. When she opened the door, he stared in awe. She was wearing a simple black dress that hugged her curves. 

 

“You look amazing,” Steve said.

 

Natasha tilted her head and smiled. “Thank you. You look good yourself.” Steve was dressed in in gray slacks and a dark blue button up.

 

“Ready to go?”

 

Steve took her to a nice Italian restaurant. They ordered good food and wine and had a wonderful time. They talked about work and their lives. They talked about the team. When they finished their dinner, they went back to Steve’s apartment.

 

“Can I stay?” Natasha asked hesitantly. 

 

“Only if you never leave,” Steve smiled, pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her. 

 

“Deal.” She sealed her promise with a kiss.


End file.
